It’s been a few days since my last update and not much new to update on the house or the separation. We did some cleaning today in preparation for the home inspection Tuesday and we are keeping our fingers crossed that they don’t try to come back to us with some reduced offer based on little things that are inevitable when you buy an older house (i.e. a slightly drippy faucet in the bathroom unless you shut off the shower “just the right way.”
What has changed is my emotional level. For the past 6 weeks I have been almost entirely focused on logistics; in some ways it has held me together – in other ways it has been a nice avoidance of the tears that I can start to feel welling below the surface. Today was hard. Why? Caution: I know how ridiculous some of these sound.
- What if I don’t like the apartment I move into?
- What if I hate the way I have to walk further than I have ever walked before to get from my car to my apartment door.
- There is a Puggle that lives next door to the unit I would have and what if Marley and the puggle don’t get along?
- What if no one ever visits?
- What if the word “shrew” enters into my vocabulary as an adjective to describe myself?
- What if I really do end up alone for the rest of my life
- Yes I heard an ad on the radio for pre-paid funerals today and actually wondered, “should I think about that?”
- What if Marley can’t adjust to the new place?
- What if we have to move again for whatever reason
- And yes the thought – what if I am wrong?
So I should turn all of these into positive statements right – because the universe gives back what we put out there.
I just can’t be all Tony Robbins tonight.
I know worry will get me no where – I know that I will be OK – maybe even better than OK – I know my family and friends are there for me – but for today, tonight I am just feeling overwhelmed.