In my past post I tried to be vague mostly to not get all caught up in re-living the nonsense at work. Today there is nothing that I can even try to be poetic about.

The planned deployment that has been worked on for over 2-3 months is not happening at the end of the month. Testing today was disappointing, which is really disappointing since it was tested no less than 4 times on the previous environment.  What is more disappointing is that the lead developer felt it was OK to come over to my desk at the end of the day today to tell me that I should take the lead on issue X because he never worked on it (he is all about blaming others).

Yes, someone else worked on it, but that person is gone now (contractor moved on). You are the developer. The item failed testing. I cannot fix it. I am not a developer. So WHY would I take the lead on it? To add insult injury, the other day when talked you told me it would be helpful if I stepped back from trying to offer technical solutions. I took the feedback, and today for many reasons, I stepped back.  Now you have the nerve to tell me to take the lead. Um, please make up your mind.

Several times this week you have felt it appropriate to offer suggestions on how I should do my job. (1) you are not my boss so please don’t tell me how to do my job (2) step up, take ownership and be accountable.

So yes we had a confrontational conversation this afternoon because I simply cannot do this anymore with you. If I am doing something so wrong I would think (and HOPE) that someone would tell me. I have not heard that feedback from my boss or from other team members.

After our conversation (during which my boss is amazing and had my back). I held it together until he walked away. I know this isn’t personal so I am trying not to take it personally and did not want him to see me upset. So I held it together until he walked away.

Then I started to cry. Then he came back (damn!)

Is this my fault? Could I have managed the project better? Is it me? I try not to take it personally, but …

Posted in job

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