Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
The obvious answer is that I let go of my marriage when I got divorced. You can read the posts from March 2010 if you want more details. More importantly I let go of who I thought I was supposed to be and started being more comfortable being who I am.
It takes a lot to just be who you are in a world where everyone “expects” something from you. Or do they? I often wonder where the expectations are stronger – from others or from myself?
The best quote I have heard around all of this was from Brene Brown at Ordinary Courage, when she quoted her own therapist saying,
“stop alternating and start integrating.”
For me letting go of who I thought I should be, was letting go of who I thought everone else wanted me to be and instead just being who I was. I needed to stop “alternating”, stop being one person at work, another person with my friends, another with my family, another yet with my husband. Instead, I needed to think about what parts of all of those were my authentic parts and start being one me all the time, with those parts.
The fear around this was pretty huge for me, because this meant ot worrying so much what other’s perception of me was. This was scary. Not worrying what others thought of me meant accepting the fact that others (gasp) might not like me. Being wired the way I am, like, acceptance, and love are all very important to me in many ways and the fear of not having that from someone drives quite a bit (for better or worse as they say).
I could write a lot more on this all and how I believe it all ties into how this year has unfolded for me but for now, this is where I am at.