I read many blogs every day. I find many of them interesting and fascinating and educational and some just plain fun. Every once in awhile I read a blog post that that blows me away.
Tonight I popped over to A Red Head Named Sam’s blog and read her daily post.
Holy crap. Seriously I knew there was a reason I was attracted to her blog and this post about an exchange he had with her ex explains why. Our situations are distinctly different, but our reasons for having exs seems so similar at the base. We seem similar:
I didn’t mind doing all of those things. Why? Because that’s who I am. I’m more motivational that I probably should be and I figure that if someone wants help doing something – I’m the one to help them out. I could carry the weight of the world on my shoulders for 99% of the time because that’s how I was raised and it’s probably written into my DNA somewhere.
I needed to let go of some of the control in my life. I needed you to pick up the slack, and you didn’t.
I knew the person you were when we got married. And I believed that, given time, you’d start to be slightly self-motivational and that I could trust you to take the burden of the world when I needed to set it down.
–a redhead named sam
Like I said, YIKES, so, so similar – yet she writes about it so much more eloquently.
In my case it was finding out I was infertile that might have been the initial catalyst years ago, but it was not being made the priority over and over agin that broke me. Every single explanation describes so similarly the situation I was in with my ex husband. Replace “pens” with “music” and the rest of it – the lack of initiative, caring, making me a priority, understanding what it means to be a grownup, failure to “show up” the small percentage of the time I really needed him to step up – all of it is so, so much the same.
She received a letter from her ex – I got a visit last week that ended very emotionally for him – asking many of the same questions. It’s a small and similar world my friends. Remember that next time I am feeling alone.
I have always maintained this about my divorce. I hated, hated that I had to hurt someone to get to what I needed, but it doesn’t make me bad person. There is that song, “there ain’t no good, guy, there ain’t no bad guy, there’s just you and me and we just disagree.” Sometimes we just need to not be with someone to be who we need to be.
Somehow, it is both amazing, and comforting at the same time to “connect” with someone I have never met and have shared only a few blog comments with – but to know that I am not the only one.
Internet you have an amazing way of connecting…