I know they say that mood is just mind over matter, but tonight I am not agreeing. I am cranky, grouchy whatever you want to call it, and no amount of happy-go-lucky self-talk is going to make me feel better. The upside is that I know moods pass and this one will too.

The crankies seem to have come out of no where, well no where other than it is Thursday and I haven’t seen Chris since Sunday and that always makes me cranky. I know I will see him this weekend, but it would be nice at least know he was pining over me when we are not together. Yeah, as if any guy does that. Especially not a guy with two kids, and a slightly crazy ex wife.

I am a realist and I am not looking for perfection. For me it’s kind of like “been there, done that” not with perfection, but with the whole married thing. I am not looking for marriage, or perfection. I am really just looking for companionship, some level of comfortable passion, a hug when I get home from work, to be loved by someone, to be a part of their life, and well really when it comes down to it, to not be alone.

This doesn’t mean I want to settle, it just means I know that the fairy tale often takes a different shape than a knight and shining armor on a golden horse, at a palace with a lot of gazing into each others’ eyes. There is life, real life, that can sometimes be ugly and complicated. I just want to be part of the ugly and complicated as much as I want to be part of all the rest.

Patience is a virtue and in my current case I do think it is true. I am just really, really bad at patience.

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