I have been reading Shadow Boxer’s blog for awhile now and sometimes she writes things that are so in tune, so aligned with how I feel it is a bit spooky. Our situations are different yet have commonalities. Mostly in that we are both divorced, both have sold homes, and moved recently and are both working through the dating scene again.

Recently she wrote:

Life has only just now become more peaceful. I’ve settled into my new home… I have a new job which I enjoy and I’m good at. I’m starting to rebuild my life and branch out in fact, next week I start a photography course…Life is probably the most peaceful it’s been in many years.

I feel the same. I have so much to be thankful for and I should be settling into a phase of contentment and possibilities.

I am so grateful for:

  • My great job, with amazing benefits and a really good working environment.
  • My family that with all it’s quirks is always there for each other and aside from loving each other, we all really actually like each other.
  • Friends who care and make me laugh, support me, and get that friendship isn’t always easy and that’s OK we are friends anyway and through it all.
  • A new relationship with a really great guy that is full off possibility and potential
  • I love my apartment, my landlords treat me amazingly and love Marley as much as me as a tenant.

I have to get over whatever the crazy panic/funk is that I have been feeling lately and being content with all I have and not be wondering so much about what next or what else. The truth is I AM happy and I do realize how full my life is. I have always struggled with “what next” syndrome.

It’s like I feel like if I stop and am content with what I have, where I am, then I might miss something or I might be wrong. I don’t know, it’s some crazy connection for me between needing to pleasing others, achieve, accomplish in order to feel like I am OK. It’s crazy I know. I realize it and I am so much better than I used to be (seriously trust me on that!). I guess it is just something I need to keep working at – but even that – saying I have to “work at it” makes me feel like I am trying too hard at it.

Let go? Just be happy and live in the moment? Yeah, I know that. If someone can give me a roadmap for how I would be all set.

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