When I first started online dating I loved being able to read about all these different people, even the ones that were not in my realm of interest. It felt exciting, a little voyeuristic being able to peer into people’s likes and dislikes without really knowing them, but knowing you *might* be able to know them.
Early on I had some success with the online dating process. I met a guy and we ended up – for better or worse – dating for 10 months. But in the end he “wasn’t ready for a relationship”, which I am mature enough to know meant he didn’t want a relationship with me. Too bad it took him 9 months to figure that out; it broke my heart and made me gun shy.
Now 10 months after that relationship ended I am growing increasingly tired with one of two scenario that seem to play out over and over, and over…again.
1. I start to communicate with someone via the site, and then eventually over email, several times even getting to a phone call or two, and then business, distraction, or some unknown force takes over and I never hear from them again.
2. I actually get to a date and it goes well. It ends with a seemingly genuine, “I had a really nice time and would like to see you again” ending, and then, some unknown force takes over and I never hear from them again.
I could go to that deep dark place where I think, “What is wrong with me?” but I have enough friends who are also in the online dating world who report the exact same things happening.
It is becoming tiring to continually put myself out there and have it not go anywhere and fall flat, because even when I KNOW it’s not me, there is that little teeny part that wonders.
The more time that goes by the more I wonder. Did I have my chance when I was married? Was I greedy and expect too much? I really don’t think I was, but maybe that was my one shot at “together” and now maybe not so much.
The teenage girl inside of me still believes that Mr. Right, Mr. Wonderful, Mr. Better than before will come along and bump into me and magic will happen.
Till then I am taking at least a bit of a break from the online world of